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 By Rabbi Steven Rubenstein on כ"ב באלול ה'תש"ע (September 1st, 2010) in From the Bima, Thoughts The holidays are early this year. Elul, the final month of the Jewish calendar, began on the evening of August 11. With it we entered into our yearly practice of introspection toward teshuvah, a life of forgiveness and the promise to make ourselves better partners in our relationships with God and with others.
During the early part of the summer I had the opportunity to visit with my parents on the Cape. No matter your travel route, there is no avoiding the Bourne or the Sagamore bridges that connect Cape Cod to the rest of Massachusetts. I like to gaze at the canal and admire the sailboats in the water…
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Continue reading A View From the Bima: Crossing Bridges →
For a number of years I have been following the lessons taught by Rabbi Judith Abrams, who has been running an ongoing discussion of the Yerushalmi Talmud, which is less popular than the Babylonian Talmud that is studied daily by hundreds of thousands of individuals. A current lesson delves into Pirkei Avot, the Ethics of our Ancestors, as Rabbi Abrams relates them to our young adults who are preparing to leave for college. This is a transition of great importance to both child and parent. She invites us to share our thoughts with her and her online students, about what sage advice we would give to our loved ones as…
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Continue reading What Advice Would the Sages Give Their Kids as They Head Off to College? →
By Rabbi Steven Rubenstein on ד' באב ה'תש"ע (July 15th, 2010) in From the Bima, Thoughts Happier is…WEEK TWELVE
Devarim
Perfectionism and Optimalism
The Perfectionist expects her path toward any goal – and indeed her entire journey through life – to be direct, smooth, and free of obstacles. When, inevitably, it isn’t, she is extremely frustrated and has difficulty coping.
The Optimalist accepts failure as a natural part of life and as an experience that is inextricably linked to success. She learns what she can from these experiences and emerges stronger and more resilient.
Perfectionists reject reality and replace it with a fantasy world.
Optimalists accept reality, that some failure and sorrow is inevitable, and that success has to be measured against standards that are actually…
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Continue reading Happier is… WEEK TWELVE – Devarim – Perfectionism and Optimalism →
By Rabbi Steven Rubenstein on ד' באב ה'תש"ע (July 15th, 2010) in Thoughts A View From the Bima
An All-Star Break Edition
Mint Condition
For Father’s Day I received a book written by a young journalist, Dave Jamieson. On the back flap where you find his picture and a bio, it reads, “He lives in Washington, DC, with a closetful of worthless baseball cards, all of them in excellent condition.” His book is a historical perspective on “How Baseball Cards Became an American Obsession.” I am grateful that I am not alone in what my wife calls an obsession and my kids label a compulsion. I feel a lot more comfortable on my notable birthday this July in knowing that I am joined…
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Continue reading View From the Bima – An All-Star Break Edition →
Learn to Fail or Fail to Learn
“If we avoid hardships and challenges because we may fail,
the message we are sending ourselves is
that we are unable to deal with difficulty,
and our self-esteem suffers as a result.
But, if we do challenge ourselves,
the message we are sending ourselves,
the message we internalize, is
that we are resilient enough to handle potential failure.
Taking on challenges instead of avoiding them
has a greater long-term effect on our self-esteem
than winning or losing, failing or succeeding.”
“You will never truly know yourself,
or the strength of your relationships,
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Continue reading Happier is… WEEK ELEVEN – Mattot / Massei – Learn to Fail or Fail to Learn →
By Rabbi Steven Rubenstein on י"ח בתמוז ה'תש"ע (June 30th, 2010) in From the Bima, Thoughts Happier is…WEEK TEN
Pinchas
Relationships: Knowing and Being Known
“Relationship expert John Gottman is able to predict
the success of a relationship based upon
how partners describe their shared past.
If partners focus on the happy aspects of their time together,
if they remember the past fondly,
the relationship is more likely to thrive.
Focusing on meaningful and pleasurable experiences –
In the past and in the present –
Fortifies the connection and improves the relationship overall…”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I never thought that I would need marital advice following my divorce a decade ago. I had come to the conclusion, after many months…
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Continue reading Happier is… WEEK 10 – Pinchas – Relationships: Knowing and Being Known →
By Rabbi Steven Rubenstein on י"א בתמוז ה'תש"ע (June 23rd, 2010) in Thoughts Happier is…WEEK NINE
Balak
Enjoying the Journey
In every life some mundane work is to be expected.
Sometimes we need to give up instant gratification for future gains.
Being happier is finding balance between the two.
Professor Tal Ben-Shahar descrbes four personality types:
RAT RACER
This person constantly chases some future goal, living life as if it were a race, unable to enjoy the day-to-day.
HEDONIST
This person seeks immediate pleasure while ignoring the consequences of their behavior.
NIHILIST
This person feels defeated by life, helpless.
HAPPY
This person finds joy in what they do.
John Gardner
“We are designed for the
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Continue reading Happier is… WEEK NINE – Balak – Enjoying the Journey →
By Rabbi Steven Rubenstein on ד' בתמוז ה'תש"ע (June 16th, 2010) in From the Bima, Thoughts Random Thoughts from the Rabbi’s Disk
It’s “No Match” For the Rabbi
I have waited patiently over the past eight weeks to learn the results of a blood test that could result in a life-altering experience. As of Monday, the 14th of June, I have learned that the longer it takes to get the results, the more likely it is that I am not the perfect match that they are looking for.
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Continue reading Random Thoughts From the Rabbi’s Disk – It’s “No Match” for the Rabbi →
By Rabbi Steven Rubenstein on א' בתמוז ה'תש"ע (June 13th, 2010) in Thoughts Happier is…WEEK EIGHT Chukat
Making Time
QUESTIONS TO PONDER
Do you feel overwhelmed by everything that you need to do each day?
Why are we so busy trying to squeeze more and more activities into each day?
Why do we fail to savor, to enjoy, the things that surround us?
How can I be successful at doing less – slowing down and simplifying my life?
“I have no time to exercise in my schedule,” is what I told my cardiologist whom I meet regularly when we are in the hospital doing our individual round of visits to patients in the early evening hours. His response remains unwavering, “Rabbi, your heart…
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Continue reading Happier is… WEEK EIGHT – Chukat – Making Time →
By Rabbi Steven Rubenstein on כ"ד בסיון ה'תש"ע (June 6th, 2010) in Thoughts Happier is…WEEK SEVEN
Korach
Learning From Painful Experiences
“Our problem is that we are obsessed with pleasure,
Rather than pursuing happiness…
True happiness involves some emotional discomfort
And overcoming some difficult experiences…
Happiness presupposes our having to overcome obstacles…”
Victor Frankl wrote:
“What man actually needs is not a tensionless state
but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him.
What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost,
But the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him.”
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Continue reading Happier is… WEEK SEVEN – Learning from Painful Experiences →
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